瑞玢的左眼

Matt got me a Nightmare Before Christmas button, which he picked up from the ground at Flying L..lol..So I met him at the WTFA building around 10:30am today. We talked for about 30 minutes till around 11 when he had to go to class. We were outside. And when he went to class, Baily just got here. This time I held the door open for him. I was drinking my Tab drink, holding the door with my feet. When he saw me turned around, he said "Hi" I didn't say anything because was drinking stuff..lol..He walked in, I was in front of him, but I slowed down to text Matt. He didn't go straight in class, he went to the men's room first. I sat on the stairs texting Matt. When he walked out, I asked, "How are you?" He answered, "Pretty good. How are you?" I was smiling the whole time. And when me and Matt were outside hugging each other, he saw us, too. And if he was paying attention, I bet he heard what I said about leaving Commerce as well. And this is the first time I replied that question with a positive answer - "Super!" I said. "Super?!" He asked. He was already at the door. So I didn't see his face or anything. I didn't know if he was going to stop and ask me why. Maybe if I answered back with "yes" or "yeah" instead of "hmm-huh", he would. But since I didn't act like I wanted to continue on the conversation, and he was kind of late to the class, so all he said was with a very happy tune, "All right!" It was short and awesome and loveable. That made me wanted to stay till his class was over. But he was inside talking to one of his student when the class ended. And I had to get to my PSY class, so I just sort of gave up.
After PSY, me and Nate went to the library. We saw Mariana, then she took me to Walmart, dropped me off at the science building. 5 minutes before the class, Aubrey walked in. I saw her, but didn't notice there were people behind me. Chris and Nate just suddenly jumped outta nowhere and scared the crap outta me. Chris used to be in my history class. He was a really good looking guy. I didn't know he used to go to Commerce High. He knew both Nate and Matt. It was freaky... Glad we got to know each other a bit better this semester..

作詞：一念 作曲：信樂團

有誰能做我的安眠藥 有誰能讓我靈魂好好睡個覺
空氣中妳的味道 散落在每個街角 擦不掉
腦海有太多疼痛記號 天使的笑容打亂回憶的軌道
囚禁在妳的依靠 像沒有效的解藥 睡不著
我在這個空間 轉來轉去只剩下黑眼圈 往事不斷的重複出現
沒有你我睡不著 忘記你我做不到 愛妳無可救藥
沒有你我睡不著 街上隨便跑 想找到有妳的街道

有誰能做我的安眠藥 有誰能讓我的靈魂好好睡個覺
空氣中妳的味道 散落在每個街角 擦不掉
我在這個空間 轉來轉去只剩下黑眼圈 往事不斷的重複出現
沒有你我睡不著 忘記你我做不到 愛妳無可救藥
沒有你我睡不著 街上隨便跑 想找到有妳的街道
我像隻狗 在尋找 我像笨蛋 忘不掉 誰讓我休息一下

沒有你我睡不著 忘記你我做不到 愛妳無可救藥
沒有你我睡不著 街上隨便跑 想找到有妳的街道

went to bed this morning around 8am or so. talked to Matt till almost 4am. Internet's been on and off the whole time. so didn't really talk to Hunter for that long. he was playing video games with his friends anyway. had a few laughs with Matt. then woke up around 11:30am, talked to Matt again.. and Erika also. I've been dying to tell her what happened between me and Hunter. She laughed and said it was awesome. Then my phone line got cut off again..motherfucker...
went back to sleep after Matt said he wuz gonna go change his tires and stuff.
Sean called me around 2:40pm...I planned on answering his phone call this time. but i was so tired. so i answered it with sleepy voice and stuff.. he asked how i was. why was i sleeping in the 2 afternoon. i didn't quite answer to either one of the question. then he noticed taht i was not exactly awake. so he let me go back to sleep and said that he'd call later....
good to hear his voice..didn't know why i didn't answer his phone calls before.....

So I've been talking to Hunter ever since. Except those two days of Christmas. He said that he went to Dallas and got a new guitar instead of a viola. But it was still good. Wonder if he went with Terah. They seem like they still live together. She's been happier than ever. And he's been miserable. I don't know why he talks to me when he's clearly not over her yet. I don't even know why I'm being so paranoid and stuff. Is it because of jealousy..? Am I jealous of Terah? How can I be jealous of her? I know I've always had a thing about Hunter, but it doesn't mean I'm having feelings for him at all, especially now... Or do I?
This is crazy. I can't fall for this. This is way beyond my control. And at this very moment when I should be worrying about my future, I have to be in control. I hate it when he's the last thing I thought about before I go to sleep and the first thing that pops up in my mind when I wake up. I hate it when the taste of his lips haunts me day and night. I hate myself for desire him.
He's having a show on New Year's Eve. But I promised grams to go to Arlington to take her shopping. I didn't want to go to the show because I didn't want to see him and Terah there. But I didn't use going to Arlington as an excuse on purpose. Maybe it was destiny. We were never meant to be. So I kept missing his shows. It was unconsciously done, I hope he believed that. But maybe I will still try to go if I can get Mariana to come with me.
Sean called me twice today around 6ish. I still didn't pick up. I don't want to know how I feel anymore if I can still feel.
Talked to Matt and Ali till sunrise...
Didn't wake up till 1ish P.M.
Went to get my car oil changed..
Bought a DVD and a book.
Emailed Baily and asked him about the books he will be using next semester..

I got home about 6am. Passed out immediately. Didn't wake up till almost noon. He has signed out already. So I guess he woke up earlier than me, or maybe he woke up right after I left. Later, I heard a message alarm, I was hoping it was Luny cuz I got a offline message from him. It was from last night right after I left for Hunter's place. But actually it was Hunter. He asked if I was here. I told him I was still asleep. He said that he had to work in the early morning cuz no one was there, but he'd be getting off soon, and he intended to go straight back to bed. We talked for a bit, he asked when did i leave last night. I told him this morning around 6. He was like , Damn. I go, yeah, you idiot, you let me passed out. He screamed, I tried not to goddamnit. LOL. It was funny. We were both still very tired. So we just let each other go back to sleep. I talked to Matt for a while cuz he didn't get to finish his story last night. He messaged me. After telling me the whole story, and admitted that he was wrong, and I was right about everything, about Danielle and Ben. I guess we're okay now. I didn't stay up that long. I passed out around 1:30pm. Didn't wake up till 4.
talked to Aubs, text Luch for a date. and Sean called me! Around 5:29pm, I thought it was Luch cuz we were texting each other, but it was him..! That was a nice surprise.. Though I didn't pick up. But he left me a voicemail. It was sweet.

holy shit.....
Hunter Singleton added me on both facebook and MSN. And we actually started talking..
That's so funny..
I never thought he'd warmed up to me..
He even asked me to go hang out with him..
But it was like 2 in the morning, kinda way too late..
So I just lied to him that I had to go to Arlington for a week..
We talked about a bunch of random stuff, then both passed out in the middle of the conversation.. It was fun.

for some reason, i knew he'd be at school today even if he didn't have to give any exam. also i knew Sean will be taking his last exam as well. i was going to go up there at 10am, but i ended up chatting with Luny for a while. so when i got there, both of them were in already....Orz
just as i planned, he was sitting outside Baily's office... only if i could've gotten there a bit earlier.. Baily would've gotten a chance to see me with him...fuck..lol..
i wore the TH white shirt today. looking all boyish and formal.. and so did he..! he was just sitting there, wearing a white shirt and jean..just like me..i went up to him all smiling and shit..he smiled back.
we sat outside Baily's office till his exam started. this time....i fucking got his number...LOL!
we still hung out together after the exam because i was talking to calvin on the phone outside the SS building, well, not entirely outside, still inside the glass door. while i was talking, i think Baily just got out from the restroom and back into his office. cuz i heard a noise from the door, and a guy with glasses , maybe was about to walk out there, walked back in the other direction. i looked, he went into Baily's office. It didn't really look like him, only the glasses. but since he walked into that office, it had to be him, then... maybe because he was wearing some random dark green (i think) shirt, not his ordinary formal shirt and tie and light brown jacket, i couldn't really tell if that was him or not....
Sean came up to me while i was still on the phone..so i hung up on calvin..we went to the library till about 12, he left with that lady who worked in the front desk....
he gave me 2 hugs today. one was before the exam, the other one was before he left the library. both were real tight and loving.. i think i'm beginning to feel again...... hope it's a good thing..
the second time i actually hugged him back by just putting my arm on his waist.. he was so tiny.. so slimming.. the hug he gave me on monday was different.. the 2 hugs he gave me today were better.. maybe we ARE getting closer... i should probably text him....LOL
i missed Baily today. He totally left around 12, i think. i can't seem to remember if he left before me and Sean left or not...goddamn it........

funny. i didn't get to walk with him to class today because of my stupid miscalculation. i was gonna walk with him to his class at 10:30, but i thought i could walk with him back to his office instead. So i waited and waited and waited.... he ended up walking with some dude back to his office. it was that cute guy always sitting outside of my PSCI class. the cute guy that actually sit in in one of my PSCI class, i remember it was the day i said "well, i have my attorney"
i was so pissed. so i just walked straight back home in front of them. later on around 1:31 or so. i walked back to the campus to check out some books to read over the break. amazingly, when i passed the SS building the stairs outside, he was just on his way out..! it was fucking amazing.. what a fucking coincidence! He smiled when i looked up to him in my new banana republic hat while sucking on my sonic root beer float. the sun was behind him. his golden hair looks almost white, the smile looked darken, but bigger, and somehow sweeter. it was probably the biggest smile i've ever seen from him. i smiled back, didn't know what to say. so i was like "stalking you"
he laughed.

Today's the exam. Political Science exam. Today's the last day I will be sitting in the same classroom with him. There was no disgussion nor talking besides he called out our names when he was passing back our papers. After the exam, I just left without saying a word.
I went back home. Dropped my coat because it was getting hot. Then come back to campus again. I saw Aubrey walking towards the Art Building. So I called her to tell her to come back. We hung out all day today. We went downtown to the pet store. Saw 3 kittens. They were so damn cute, i almost bought them..lol..
When we got back to campus. Because when we were walking back to my place to get my car, we saw Sean outside the Hall of Languages. So when we got back, I called that we could hang in the Hall of Languages. Only by the time we got there, he wasn't in there anymore. We stayed for a while, stole some books, then decided to head back to the SS and Art Building. When I thought I wasn't going to see him again, as me and Aubs hung out in the parking lot, he showed up.......
Same old smile, same old friendly face. I was taking photos just randomly, but mainly his car. Then he just showed up unexpectedly. I smiled. Didn't know what to say. I kept thinking it would be the last time i see him, so the only words I could think of to say to him was "Merry Christmas"
He smiled. I felt the pause, he was trying to think of something to say as well, but maybe it was just my imagination. "You, too." he said to me.
Then me and Aubs left. We sat at the garden for a while, then Chris called. We went to sonic, then back to the library. I sat with Mariana on the fifth floor. We gossipped around for a while. But I was so boring, I had to call Calvin. While I was talking to Calvin, Rosas called. I tricked her to come to the library by faking sad and all..lol.. It was hilarious.
Three of us hung out together for the first time this semester. We were so gossip..lol..
But Mariana had a test at 6, so around 4:30, me and Rosas left. As we went into the Computer Lab to let her check her myspace, we both got an email says that our IS class was cancelled. So we went to the Science Building to find Miller to ask what had happened. There was a cute guy sitting with him just right by the door. Never thought finding him could be that easy..lol..
He told us that he remembered us from High School, I totally freaked...... I never thought he remembered it until the semester was fucking over..Orz The cute guy sitting next to him was laughing so hard when he saw me in shock and dropped the T-shirt that Aubrey had had given me earlier today.
Anyways, we changed our schedule to ASTR class. Then I finally went back home to sleep. I was so tired.