瑞玢的左眼

So I've been talking to Hunter ever since. Except those two days of Christmas. He said that he went to Dallas and got a new guitar instead of a viola. But it was still good. Wonder if he went with Terah. They seem like they still live together. She's been happier than ever. And he's been miserable. I don't know why he talks to me when he's clearly not over her yet. I don't even know why I'm being so paranoid and stuff. Is it because of jealousy..? Am I jealous of Terah? How can I be jealous of her? I know I've always had a thing about Hunter, but it doesn't mean I'm having feelings for him at all, especially now... Or do I?
This is crazy. I can't fall for this. This is way beyond my control. And at this very moment when I should be worrying about my future, I have to be in control. I hate it when he's the last thing I thought about before I go to sleep and the first thing that pops up in my mind when I wake up. I hate it when the taste of his lips haunts me day and night. I hate myself for desire him.
He's having a show on New Year's Eve. But I promised grams to go to Arlington to take her shopping. I didn't want to go to the show because I didn't want to see him and Terah there. But I didn't use going to Arlington as an excuse on purpose. Maybe it was destiny. We were never meant to be. So I kept missing his shows. It was unconsciously done, I hope he believed that. But maybe I will still try to go if I can get Mariana to come with me.
Sean called me twice today around 6ish. I still didn't pick up. I don't want to know how I feel anymore if I can still feel.
Talked to Matt and Ali till sunrise...
Didn't wake up till 1ish P.M.
Went to get my car oil changed..
Bought a DVD and a book.
Emailed Baily and asked him about the books he will be using next semester..